Job and his three friends

The Story of Job from the Old Testament is one that many of us are familiar with. Job is described as a wealthy, successful and faithful man. The story begins with a conversation between God and Satan. God describes Job as blameless, upright, one who fears God and shuns evil (Job 1:8). Satan claims that Job is faithful because of the hedge of protection that God has placed around him and all that God has blessed him with. Satan wants to prove that Job’s faithfulness is tied not to God himself but to what he receives from him. Job is put through a test and God allows Satan to strip Job of all that he had but he could not touch Job’s life. Job loses his family, all that he owned and his health.

Whilst Job is in the midst of his suffering, his three friends Eliphad, Bildad and Zophar come to him.

Job 2:11-13 “When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”

Job had suffered unspeakable loss, his friends come to him, and they just sit with him, mourn with him and extend their support by being present with him. They did not try and speak momentary words of comfort, they just let him hurt and were with him through that.

After some time, Job speaks in anguish (Job 3), and his friends begin to offer advice and correction on why he is probably going through this tough time and what he must do. What they say include many inaccuracies and assumptions. They say that God punishes the wicked, so Job must not fear God, he must have done something wrong to endure God’s punishment, they encourage him to recognise his wrong and repent.

When they speak thus to him, Job appeals for a sympathetic understanding from his friends of his situations and the harsh words that came out of him as a result of his anguish. He says that he wants his friend’s devotion and their silence was better than their words.

Job 6:14 “A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the almighty.”

In Job 42:7, we read of what God thinks of what the friends had said to Job, “After the Lord had finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “I am angry with you and your two friends, for you have not spoken accurately about me, as my servant Job has.”

God instructs them to offer burnt sacrifices as repentance and tells Job to pray for them and the three friend repent and Job prays for them.

We can often struggle to understand how best to support a friend who is going through a tough time. Job’s friends initial support allowed Job to pour out the anguish that he carried within. We also can learn from their mistake, their failure was in their assumption of God’s ways, about Job’s situation and about Job himself.

Rather than be quick to try and help someone feel better, maybe it is better to just be with them than speak words that are untimely.

Let us not assume that we understand why something might be happening in their lives but acknowledge their pain and pray with them for God to meet them in their difficult moment.

If they seem to blame God in the midst of their anguish, let us not rush to defend God. God can defend himself, but rather choose to show love and kindness that can nurture their hurting heart back to looking to Jesus.

Everyone handles challenges differently, they grieve differently, so let us be open to understanding their need in that moment and meet them where they are at rather than trying to get them to our emotional wavelength. And each day is different, there will be some good and some not so good ones, so let us be sensitive to how they are doing on that specific day and not assume that processing a tough situation is always an upward trajectory.

We can falter even when we have the best of intentions (what I often refer to as the foot in mouth syndrome) and I have done it too. When the Lord convicts, set aside your pride and apologise. When Job’s three friends faltered, God did not instruct Job to stop having them as friends, the difference is that when God called them to repent, they did and by Job praying for them, it alludes to his forgiveness. Remember that God restored twice as much as he had to Job after he prayed for his friends (Job 42: 10).

If you have been in the friend’s position, have a conversation and apologise, if you have been on the receiving end of such advice, consider extending grace and forgiveness and not hold onto any hurt.

When your friend is hurting, go to them and offer them comfort and support by sitting with them, listening and just being there for them.

God Bless.