Doubts

The last week has been quite a difficult week in terms of news about family and friends. We as a family heard within the span of a week, two serious health diagnosis and a death.

First, we got to know that my husband’s uncle got diagnosed with a brain tumour. The scan revealed quite a large one and the doctors insisted on immediate surgery prior to a biopsy. The second, a friend of my husband who studied with him passed away quite unexpectedly. I cannot imagine what his family will be going through. And third, a friend from church (her name is Rachel) got news from her doctor that her breast cancer has returned. She has got three kids and the oldest is the same age as my son (15yrs).

At church on Sunday, our pastor called Rachel and her family to the front and we had a time of prayer for her healing. It was heartbreaking to see them trying not to break down as they stood there. I do believe that they would have felt and continue to feel strengthened by all the prayers that go out towards them.

Hearing Rachel’s news after the other things earlier in the week was such a blow. It is not that the other news affected me less than hers but for some reason I struggled more with hers. Maybe because the others stay in different countries and I am not so involved in their everyday life and do not see them all the time. Well whatever the reason, I noticed that I was struggling to believe in her healing. I know that it is in God’s hands whether she is healed or whether it is His will for it not to be so this way. But that is not for me to question. When we pray, we must pray with faith, believing he is a God who heals and even if we do not understand the ‘why’ we have to trust and pray with hope. The reason for my struggle to pray was that as I prayed, I was remembering two friends from church who passed away from cancer last year. They were both reasonably young with kids in school. So much prayer went out for their healing and it was a very difficult to see them succumb to their illness and not ask Why.

As I was struggling to pray (remember that this was at church), I had this inner battle go on inside of me. I was mentally saying “No, No I should not be thinking this way, I have to believe.” I was trying to push aside these doubts that assailed me and focus on God and His promises. I was reminded of a post that I had read just the previous night by Cindy Dawson on Real Christian Women, where she reminded us to choose whom to focus on. What a timely post. Do we choose to focus on God and strengthen our faith or do we allow ourselves to be assailed with fear and doubts?  

We cannot overcome these doubts on our own strength. God is a good God; He knew I was struggling and He sent help.  Some of my bible study women came to my side and we started praying together for Rachel. Their faith, their prayers strengthened my faith and I felt my spirit lifted by their faith and was encouraged to trust and stand on God’s promises. What a blessing to have others pray with you. I have had the immense privilege of being prayed for and I only hope that Rachel and her family feel God move through the prayers of all those around them.

God reminded me to not lose hope, to keep praying. He reminded me to not base my faith on some past experience, but to base them on HIM. To trust Him and His word and not my feelings, because feelings can vary but the word of God is like a rock, it is always true, no matter what you feel. He reminded me of the importance of corporate prayer. And he reminded me of how much he cares, we were all praying for Rachel’s healing but he heard my struggle (very trivial to what the focus of the prayer was) and helped me overcome my doubts.

I will focus on God and His word as I continue to pray for the healing of my husband’s uncle and my friend Rachel. I trust in Him to be there for the family who lost a husband, father and Son and know that God will hold each of them in the palm of His hand and carry them through this difficult time.

God led me to this hymn called “Standing on the promises” I shall put the song below; the words are beautiful and powerful and I hope you will be blessed by them.

  1. Standing on the promises of Christ my King,
    through eternal ages let his praises ring;
    glory in the highest, I will shout and sing,
    standing on the promises of God.

    Standing, standing,
    standing on the promises of Christ my Saviour;
    standing, standing,
    I’m standing on the promises of God.

    2. Standing on the promises that cannot fail,
    when the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,
    by the living Word of God I shall prevail,
    standing on the promises of God.

    3. Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord,
    bound to him eternally by love’s strong cord,
    overcoming daily with the Spirit’s sword,
    standing on the promises of God.

    4. Standing on the promises I cannot fall,
    listening every moment to the Spirit’s call,
    resting in my Saviour as my all in all,
    standing on the promises of God.

God Bless.

32 thoughts on “Doubts

  1. Thank you for sharing your heart. Pain in life can be so very difficult and causes many of us to ask, “Why?” We might not know all the answers until we get to Heaven. This is a beautiful post and I love the way you were able to put your faith in God. Thank you for this lovely reminder that we should look to Him alone and not past experience. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I can relate to your struggle in church. I experienced something very similar two Sundays ago, when I felt I was falling through a black hole. I knew it was spiritual warfare, but I was surprised that I was struck so hard while worshipping! I vowed that as soon as we got home, I would go into my office and pour my heart out to God. Of course, without even thinking about it, that was the right response, and, like in your experience with your women’s prayer group, I could feel God’s warm reassurance immediately. I am sorry for your friend’s battle with cancer, especially with young children. A dear co-worker of mine passed last August, leaving four young boys and a devoted husband. It’s no wonder that “Jesus wept.” It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but, in disobedience, we ate the apple, and now we suffer in this life. Stay praying! He heals our hearts. Thank you for your message.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, it was definitely spiritual warfare and I too was surprised to experience it at church while we were began to pray. Reminds us that we can be attacked anywhere and true protection comes only from God.
      Sorry to hear about your co-worker, it is hard for us to understand but like you said this is a consequence of our fallen state.
      Thank you for the reminder to stay in prayer and the encouraging words. God bless.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Yes, I had thought that in church, worshipping the Risen Lord, I would be “immune” from such attacks. Apparently not. Your devotion has moved me. I am writing a blog now on my experience, which I should publish this week. The Lord has worked through you to encourage me in this regard. While I am not happy that you felt the discouragement you did, I am very glad you shared it. I hope/pray that my writing will serve to encourage someone else, as well. In both of our cases, the remedy was the same: draw near to God, stay in prayer, have faith. God bless.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Thank you. With your permission, I’d like to link readers to your post. I’ll send the paragraph with link to you in advance for your okay. I’m quoting from 1 Cor. 10:13, where Paul says our individual experiences are common to all mankind.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. At times we feel overwhelmed helpless and discouraged, but with God there is always hope. Prayers always help, it may not be in the way we expect, but God listens with compassion. As you said praying with others is strengthening and powerful. I am keeping everyone in my healing prayers. God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for sharing this. It seems cancer is claiming many lives. I found out yesterday a former coworker passed from cancer. I always believe asking God why is a normal reaction, however as you mentioned we just have to trust Him to do what is best. As the Lord reminded me yesterday, He is the God of surprises so we never know how He will move in a situation. Rachel and your husband’s uncle may receive complete healing. God has an unique purpose for every life. I love that hymn! We used to sing it in the church I grew up in.

    I pray God will give your family peace and comfort, and healing for Rachel and your husband’s uncle. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Dear friend, the struggle to wholeheartedly trust Abba is real. I certainly see this throughout all of scripture. There are times we swing from the mountains of great faith, and times when we end up plowing through the valleys of doubt. I’m so thankful though that even though our Daddy’s ways can be unsearchable, and even though He can be “unfigureoutable”, He has a track record of being consistently faithful to us. I’m praying for you always, and now for Rachel and her family 🌺

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t even know what to say. I understand. Andrew and I have gone through so much in the last few years which included deaths and illness. Not only do those doubts creep in, but the mental fatigue and grief can get you too. But you’re so right, He gives us those reminders to focus on Him, not the wind and the waves. It’s so hard to keep our eyes on Him. We need His help to do it.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I truly believe when we share it takes power away from the evil one to keep us captive in our pain! Praise the Lord you fought forward with the help of other faithful women! Our God is so amazing! I’m sorry for all this hard news and will pray right this minute for the Lords comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m just catching up on reading posts! Thank you for sharing your heart about your husband’s uncle, friend, and Rachel at your church. No matter how God chooses to bring healing, we can all be praying together in faith that His will would be done. That there would be added grace and comfort for the loss of your husband’s friend and faith to walk through the journey of cancer and treatments. Just like your lovely Bible study ladies, I stand with you praying and interceding on your behalf and for those you care for. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Joy. Your prayers are very much appreciated. My husbands uncle’s surgery went ok and they got a large part of the rumour removed but not all. He has started radiation which will be followed by chemotherapy for about a year. Rachel at church has started in her treatments too. Not a very pleasant thing with so much medication going into one’s body. But I pray that the Lord’s hand will be over them and provide them whatever they need both physically and emotionally.
      Manu💙

      Liked by 1 person

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